Can We Find Normal?

There are days that we pray for a little bit of normal. For a day where the our family actually starts to feel just a little bit like the image we project to the public on a day to day basis. A day where we are all happy and content and things just feel right. These days are often few and far between and when they do occur we really don't want to comment that things are going well because that inevitably will cause the hammer to fall and then things go back to our "normal".

The last couple weeks have been like this. The kids have been off track from school and it has been very relaxed and the kids have been doing exceptionally well. Even with the death of their Grandfather they have held up well. Both the kids attended the funeral and we were so very proud of them. Both were sad but didn't get overly emotional, just sad. Hunter even saluted during taps (all on his own). This was so sweet to me and made me forget all the problems for that few minutes.

I will enjoy these days as long as they will last. The sad thing is with a child with Asperger's you can't just think to yourself that everything is going great and it will stay that way. It will end, it is only a matter of time. I'm not sure why he is doing well during this time, but I know that at any moment something could trigger a major meltdown. This makes it hard to enjoy the break, but I am still going to do my best.

Okay, I said I would try to go back through our history a little and now seems like a good time.

Let me start with Shana. We were very excited about becoming parents. We had dreams, but our dreams were not what we wanted for our child, but instead we wanted to allow our children to be what they want to be. My pregnancy with Shana was very uneventful up to the 32nd week. I had no morning sickness, no pain, no problems to speak of. I craved Mexican food and McDonald's french fries. Other then that there were no concerns.

When I was 32 weeks along we got a phone call late one night that my husbands cousin Eric had died in a horrible motorcycle accident. Eric was more like a brother to Pat than a cousin and we knew we had to attend the funeral. I immediately called my OBG and he said that there were no concerns with going. We would be driving about 6 hours to Albuquerque, NM. We were able to attend the funeral and had a few days to visit with family. On Saturday May 13, 2000 I was packing up my things so we could leave early the next morning. I had just finished and sat down at 10pm to watch a little tv before going to sleep. Then I felt like I had leaked (women you know what I mean). I went to the bathroom and it was clear to me that this was not right. My water had broke.

We rushed to the hospital, which coincendently was the same one my husband was born in. They stopped the labor and told us they were going to have to flight-for-life us to another hospital in the morning. The local hospitals with Level 4 NICU's were full. They said we would either be sent to Dallas, Lubbock, Phoenis or Denver. We asked if they could please get us to Denver as that was where we lived.

The next morning on Mother's Day, the crew from Denver arrived and we were loaded into an Ambulance and taken to the airport. There we were put on a lear jet and flown to Centennial Airport in Denver. I then got to ride in a helicopter from the airport to the hospital.

Once we got settled in they told me that since my water had ruptured and there was a high chance of infection they would not give me any more steroid shots (I had one in Albuquerque) until I was infection free for 48 hours. We were going to try to have me stay on bed rest in the hospital for 5 weeks if possible.

Shana couldn't wait though. On Tuesday May 16th, 2000 at 11am Shana was born. She weighed 4lbs 1oz and was 17 3/4 inches long. Very long and thin. I was able to hold her for only a few seconds before they took her to the NICU. We had decided Pat would stay with her and he left the room and went with Shana to the NICU. He came back a little later and told me they asked for him to step out because they needed to vetilate her.

I didn't see her again till a little later that day. She was hooked up to so many wires and the venilator to help her breath. She was so small but looked tough as nails. She was so pretty even with all the tubes and wires. She just melted my heart.

I will end for today. This is longer than I had expected to be. I will continue another day. I only pray the good days continue and allow me some time to go back through how we got to where we are today.