Back to School

Sending the kids back to school after a break is something most parents look forward too. They've spent their time with the kids and now are ready to get back in the routine. For us going back after a break often brings new questions and few answers.

During our recent break Hunter had a huge improvement in his behavior. We had one large meltdown but with firm consequences (he lost the majority of his toys by the end) he was able to pull it back together and then did so well he earned the toys back in one week.

He just went back to school yesterday from his break and already is hitting, kicking and biting. This evening he even refused to clean his room. That is until I said I'd be happy to clean it up with a trash bag. That got him moving.

We've been back and forth on the proper way to discipline a child with Aspergers. When he has meltdowns it is something like when you sneeze or cough, you can't control it. Your brain and body says you need to and you can't stop it. On the other hand, he has to learn to function in society in a proper manner.

At school they focus on how well he calms down. This is good, because he has improved well, but at home I am trying to prevent the meltdowns in the first place. I've found the things that he likes and I use them to stop the meltdowns. If he starts to get upset and looks like he's going to have a problem, I give one warning stating clearly what I'm taking if he continues to get upset. This works most of the time. But having Aspergers sometimes he can't stop and continues to meltdown.

The question is, if he is unable to control the meltdown do you still punish him? Would you punish someone if right as they were getting ready to sneeze you said "if you sneeze, I will take your toy", and then they sneeze anyway?

They couldn't stop the sneeze and often Hunter can't stop his meltdowns. His brain doesn't process the warning, or he truly is to disregulated to control his body.

Well, I still discipline and follow through with the consequence. It's hard because there are the times that I truly feel he was unable to regulate his emotions and reactions and it seems cruel to discipline him. But I have found that I cannot always know if he is in control or not and it is better to follow through either way and allow him to learn from the mistake. I do not want him to learn to use his disability as an excuse for bad behavior.

I want my children to grow to be responsible, caring, hard working adults. I hope that allowing him to work through and learn from his challenges is the best way to help him learn these things, no matter how hard they are now.