Solutions Not Excuses!

This has been a very tough week for me.  I have been struggling with some emotions that I can't really explain or go into right now. It has made me think even more about having twice exceptional kids and things I need to help them learn so they can function in society without being a victim.  I want them to be in control of their lives and not grow up thinking the world owes them something because God has blessed them with these unique gifts and challenges.

Everyday we struggle with our children in helping them to learn how to live in a world that they do not always understand.  Most people looking at our children would never know they have any challenges.  Yet, everyday we have to deal with situations that can potentially cause them major struggles.  What seems very minor on the outside and most neurotypical people in society would not even notice, can be a major challenge for my kids.

Some examples:
- Loud music in a restaurant or at the movies
     -- may cause sensory processing overload and lead to a meltdown
- A waitress asking them what they would like to eat or drink
     --can cause anxiety if they are not ready and may lead to a minor or major meltdown
- A restaurant with lots of games and flashing lights
     --may cause a meltdown due to over stimulation
- Another child in a restaurant, park, school or any other place that is being allowed to behave inappropriately
     --can cause ours to model the behavior and they may not understand why it is okay for the other child
- Painting a room in a public place a very bright color
     --may cause visual over stimulation
- A child at a park, school or other public place picking up a toy or book that belongs to one of my kids
     --may cause them to become agitated and they may not read non-verbal cues from that child
  

These are just a few of the things we have struggled with and the list goes on and on.  These things are very common in the general public and the kids will have to learn to deal with situations such as these every day.  What has really caused me frustration this week is it has become clear to me that there are people who make the problem someone else's instead of finding a solution for themselves.  I have told my children many times that I will not let them use their challenges as an excuse for bad behavior or as a crutch.

I want them both to learn that the world cannot always bend to them and that they need to make decisions and find solutions to better function day to day.  They can't always ask the restaurant or theater to turn down the music, or have a meltdown when a waitress asks for their order.  They don't have control over the flashing lights and games in a restaurant or what color the walls will be painted.

Since we became aware of their challenges we have always tried to find ways to help them whenever possible.  We didn't do this by trying to change society, we did it by helping them to find their own solutions.  We carry headphones to wear in loud environments or we teach the children to ask the waitress for another moment to make a decision.  We have taught them to bring a book with them so if they are tempted to mimic other children in public they can choose to read their book instead.  There are times that the environment does not allow a good solution, like the bright walls or flashing lights or games - so we choose not to visit those places.

I hope that as my children continue to grow and develop that they will begin to find ways to help themselves better fit into society and be able to be comfortable in all environments.  If not, I hope they find ways to help themselves be able to participate better and ask for assistance when needed.  I hope they never use their challenges as an excuse but always look at them as the gifts they are.  In having these challenges they have been blessed in so many ways and using those gifts I pray they will find a way to become the solution for themselves!

Nervous Anticipation!

Many events being a parent of twice exceptional kids can lead to nervous anticipation.  We never know what each day will bring.  What is typically an exciting or fun day for most parents can be full of stress and agony for a parent of children with disabilities.

School is starting soon.  For most parents this is a time of excitement and joy.  We do have joy and excitement at the beginning of the school year, but we are also full of anxiety and nervous anticipation for what the new school year will bring.  We have yet to have a relaxing simple school year.  When we drop our kids off in the morning we are nervous picking them up in the afternoon, worried about what may or may not have happened at school.

Every school year we have been dealt some difficult situations, that I hope no other parent ever has to go through.  We have had a teacher who refused to allow my daughter to use a certain type of crayon to help her not break the crayons.  We had a little boy bully our son in preschool and the teachers would discipline Hunter for yelling when he got hit.  My daughter was suspended for turning over a desk after being accused of "stealing" a piece of scotch tape.  My son has been suspended so many times I can't even describe each instance (and he's only starting 2nd grade this year).  My daughter was suspended after hitting another girl with a willow leaf, after being surrounded by 8-9 other girls teasing her.  We've had principals that clearly did not want our children in their school.  We have had district staff fight us over a diagnoses to the point we had to contact an attorney.  We dread a phone call coming from the school.

In all that we have had a few very positive experiences.  We had a wonderful Kindergarten teacher that saw that Hunter was a sweet boy even on his bad days.  A teachers assistant that I think really loved Hunter and was truly sad when he left the school.  A young teacher that found ways to help Shana keep her desk organized which helped her stay on track during the day.  A principal that could take a potentially embarrassing situation and make it alright.  A teacher that really saw the gifts in Hunter and helped him to finally feel happy at school again.

I have no idea what this year will bring.  We have some big changes and it is very scary.  Shana is a 5th grader and is excited to be a big kid in the school but at the same time is still often a lot like a little girl.  We hope her year will be peaceful and fun.  Hunter starts virtual school, something new and exciting, yet a little scary for us both at the same time.

As I pick up the final school supplies and clothes I think about how this year may be.  Will this be the year that we finally enjoy the year.  Is that even possible?  This year feels different than the last few.  Each of the other years we have started with IEP meetings and discussions over behavior plans.  This is the first year that we are enjoying the back to school time and hoping for a year of fun, excitement, growth and joy!