So Tired...

Today, I am so tired!

So tired of calls or emails from the school letting me know that my child has refused to do their work - again.
So tired of being hit, kicked, bit, scratched and having things thrown at me.
So tired of trying to remain calm and detached when all I want to do is engage.
So tired of trying to figure out what I have done wrong and am I being punished for it.
So tired of trying to figure out where I have gone wrong and why I can't fix it.
So tired of people telling me "God will never give you more than you can handle"
So tired of working so hard and seeming to make no progress.
So tired of wondering will my kids survive through their teen years.
So tired of trying to be the best mom I can be and still feeling like I'm failing miserably.
So tired of not being able to sleep because there is too much to do.
So tired of having migraines, back pain, foot pain and not having time to do anything about it.
So tired of feeling isolated from the world because most people don't understand or don't want to try.
So tired of trying new diets, meds, cleansers and anything else that "may" help.
So tired of wondering if we have made the right decisions, because nothing ever seems "right".

This list could go on for miles.  I try not to think about these things most of the time.  The problem is they are always there, they are exhausting and they are unrelenting in our lives.  We can only keep trying and praying that we can pull through each day and maybe make a little progress.  Most days the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't look too far away.  Days like today there doesn't seem to be a light at all!

Anyone who thinks life with twice exceptional kids is not that bad, has never lived with a twice exceptional kid.  The part that is so hard is most of the people who see our family only see the good side.  They don't see behind the walls or even the day-to-day life that becomes so difficult at times.  It's not everyday that we have a problem, but sometimes they seem to come in a rapid-fire fashion like a machine gun and you can't duck, hide or escape them.  If it wasn't for the support of a few really good people who really "get" what we are going through I think we would fall apart completely.

Our lives feel an awful lot like the weather - calm, sunny and serene one moment and then a blizzard, hail storm or tornado the next.  The best we can do is take cover and try to hold on for it to pass.  Then we pick up the pieces and do it all over again the next day.