Solutions Not Excuses!

This has been a very tough week for me.  I have been struggling with some emotions that I can't really explain or go into right now. It has made me think even more about having twice exceptional kids and things I need to help them learn so they can function in society without being a victim.  I want them to be in control of their lives and not grow up thinking the world owes them something because God has blessed them with these unique gifts and challenges.

Everyday we struggle with our children in helping them to learn how to live in a world that they do not always understand.  Most people looking at our children would never know they have any challenges.  Yet, everyday we have to deal with situations that can potentially cause them major struggles.  What seems very minor on the outside and most neurotypical people in society would not even notice, can be a major challenge for my kids.

Some examples:
- Loud music in a restaurant or at the movies
     -- may cause sensory processing overload and lead to a meltdown
- A waitress asking them what they would like to eat or drink
     --can cause anxiety if they are not ready and may lead to a minor or major meltdown
- A restaurant with lots of games and flashing lights
     --may cause a meltdown due to over stimulation
- Another child in a restaurant, park, school or any other place that is being allowed to behave inappropriately
     --can cause ours to model the behavior and they may not understand why it is okay for the other child
- Painting a room in a public place a very bright color
     --may cause visual over stimulation
- A child at a park, school or other public place picking up a toy or book that belongs to one of my kids
     --may cause them to become agitated and they may not read non-verbal cues from that child
  

These are just a few of the things we have struggled with and the list goes on and on.  These things are very common in the general public and the kids will have to learn to deal with situations such as these every day.  What has really caused me frustration this week is it has become clear to me that there are people who make the problem someone else's instead of finding a solution for themselves.  I have told my children many times that I will not let them use their challenges as an excuse for bad behavior or as a crutch.

I want them both to learn that the world cannot always bend to them and that they need to make decisions and find solutions to better function day to day.  They can't always ask the restaurant or theater to turn down the music, or have a meltdown when a waitress asks for their order.  They don't have control over the flashing lights and games in a restaurant or what color the walls will be painted.

Since we became aware of their challenges we have always tried to find ways to help them whenever possible.  We didn't do this by trying to change society, we did it by helping them to find their own solutions.  We carry headphones to wear in loud environments or we teach the children to ask the waitress for another moment to make a decision.  We have taught them to bring a book with them so if they are tempted to mimic other children in public they can choose to read their book instead.  There are times that the environment does not allow a good solution, like the bright walls or flashing lights or games - so we choose not to visit those places.

I hope that as my children continue to grow and develop that they will begin to find ways to help themselves better fit into society and be able to be comfortable in all environments.  If not, I hope they find ways to help themselves be able to participate better and ask for assistance when needed.  I hope they never use their challenges as an excuse but always look at them as the gifts they are.  In having these challenges they have been blessed in so many ways and using those gifts I pray they will find a way to become the solution for themselves!