How to Know When to Keep Going and When to Stop!

Today's post is probably going to be pretty negative.  I try to always look for the highlights and not dwell on the negatives of having kids on the spectrum.  But today I can't stop the negative from coming through.

Hunter has been doing martial arts since September.  He started out loving it and did a really good job.  The structure was great for him and he memorizes the forms really fast and does well.  He has had some problems since the beginning, with lining up by rank and when he makes a mistake.  But he handled it well.  As he has progressed up levels though he has had more and more problems since you have to work with a partner at times.  If the other person doesn't do exactly what Hunter wants them to do he has a major meltdown.

Two weeks ago today we ended up in the emergency room because Hunter had a huge meltdown at the beginning of martial arts.  He proceeded to scream, kick, yell, and break things in the car while I waited for Shana to finish class.  He also said that he was going to kill himself.  This is why I had to take him to the ER.  He has said this before, but this time he escalated it to saying how he would do it.  We ended up being transferred to the psychiatric ward at Children's.  They discharged us and recommended a day treatment program for Hunter, problem is it has a 2-3 week wait list and we are still waiting.

Hunter has continued to have meltdowns almost daily at martial arts.  Now, I'm not talking about the little fits you see every child throw now and then.  Tonight for example, I had to restrain him for 10-15 minutes while he tried to kick me, hit me, bite me, head butt me, dig his chin into my arm etc.  I then had to carry him, still kicking and screaming out the door and to the car.

Hunter wants to do martial arts and he really enjoys it and does great when things run smoothly.  But I don't know if it is worth continuing.  Most of the problems he has in the class start with an inability to verbalize what the problem is.  I've often been told that we have to think of it like someone trying not to sneeze.  No matter how hard you try you cannot stop it.  You may be able to stifle it sometimes, but not always.  Hunter can't stop the reaction much the same way.

But when do you decide enough is enough and call it quits.  It would be easy to say we are done if he simply didn't want to do it anymore, but he really wants to continue.  It's his disability causing him the inability to participate like everyone else.  It's also very embarrassing and this is hard for me to deal with.  I have always been the one who likes to blend into the crowd, not be pointed out.  This is impossible.  I have to battle every time this happens with the emotions of me personally not wanting to go back because of the embarrassment to me.  So far the other parents at the class have been extremely understanding and supportive and so have the staff, but it gets harder and harder to deal with everyday.  I'm also in the classes and I really enjoy it too, but I'm missing many classes due to this and honestly don't know what to do.

Do I keep going through all the embarrassment and meltdowns and keep waiting to see if it ever clicks with him?  Or, do I call it quits and hide at home where it is safe?  I know this sounds like such an easy question, but it's really not.  We have had to leave many things because of this and have never started many because I know it would be a problem.  Is is fair to my kids that they can't participate in sports and activities because they have disabilities, no.  But do people recognize it as a disability and not just bratty kids, not too often.

I'm not sure what we will do, but I hope eventually we will figure it out.