Thursday, October 13, 2011

Socially Acceptable?

Hunter started in a social skills group about three weeks ago.  I thought this would be a great opportunity for him to learn to participate in a group.  I thought they would be working on turn taking, having a conversation, working with others and other similar skills.  Hunter really needs something like this to help him as he is virtual schooled and does not have a lot of peers around.  He really doesn't even have a friend.

The first day of the group I was not feeling great.  I had an excruciating migraine and felt that this made me more irritable.  So I blew off my concerns.  During the group they were using "social stories" which I have seen used in many places including the NSC program he was in.  The problem I quickly saw with these social stories in the group was that they do not teach the child what to do when the other person doesn't "follow the story".  For example, the first lesson was on greetings.  The story said that when we see someone the first time in a day we say "hi, how are you?".  The story shows the other person saying "I'm fine, how are you?".  It then talks about when we don't respond to the person saying hi it confuses them, so we should always reply to be friendly.  The problem I see with this right off the bat, is if Hunter learns that he should say "Hi, how are you?" when he sees people, what happens when the other person walks by, or responds in a negative way.  Hunter is very rigid on rules and when others don't follow them it frustrates him.  The story doesn't cover what Hunter needs, he needs to know how to respond when the other person doesn't answer him.  Do you get mad?  Say "Hi" again? Keep walking?  This is where it breaks down for Hunter.

Hunter had a meltdown the first day and the therapist told him if he ever did that during group that he would have to go home.  How does this help him?  It's like telling him "If you ever sneeze in our group you are going to have to go home".  Hunter very much enjoyed being around the other kids and I'm not sure how he will ever learn to be around other kids if he always gets sent home.  This was often the schools band-aid too.  What has he learned from it?  Throw a big fit and I get out of the situation that is frustrating me.

Well, he did have another big fit in the 3rd group, and we ended up in the ER for a psychiatric evaluation.  We were sent home shortly after and told to try a different group.  Hunter initially got upset because he didn't get to read a rule.  He laid his head in his hands and cried.  Then another child said he was making a rule of "no crying" this further upset Hunter and he cried louder.  The therapist instead of comforting him or even praising him for not becoming violent told him "we don't do that in here you need to take a break in the hall".  This caused Hunter to run out the door and start running around the building, screaming, kicking, biting and in general being out of control.

I spoke with Hunter after he calmed down and he said he thought he did what he was suppose to and he just cried.  He asked me why was it not okay for him to cry?

I spoke with the therapist from the group and asked why Hunter wasn't praised when he cried initially instead of having a meltdown.  She said that crying is not considered a socially acceptable way to react and that Hunter needed to take a break in the hall.  This is when I realized that this group is about trying to teach an autistic child how to be socially acceptable ALL the time.  This is not possible.  I would like Hunter to learn how to talk to other kids, work with other kids and play with other kids.  However, there is a point that when he is overwhelmed, if the one thing he can do is cry for a minute, or curl in a ball under the table (he did this the 1st week and was also told, we don't do that) until he calms down, is there anything wrong with that?

We are leaving for Disneyland in 10 days, and I have to say that I really don't give a damn if it is socially acceptable to curl into a ball in the middle of Main Street U.S.A when he gets frustrated.  It will probably be more socially acceptable then having him running through the park hitting, kicking and biting people. I feel when he is frustrated he needs to find a way to calm down and if it isn't a "socially acceptable" way to do it, then that's just to bad!  I want him safe and I really don't care what society says.

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