I have a hard time writing my blog when things are going well. I tend to write on the worst days, kind of like a form of therapy. But it makes it seem like there are no good days. To be quite honest we don't necessarily have "good" days. With our kids we tend to have absolutely fantastic days or absolutely awful days. There really is not a lot of in between. We live in a world of peaks and valleys.
The last few days have been peaks.
Shana has done very well at school the last couple days and she is excited about trying out for a solo part in the 5th grade play. I know without a doubt she has the voice to sing the part, but there is the little part of me that is nervous about her getting a "lead" role. It's not that I worry for her, I worry about whether on the day of the show she will be having a peak or valley day. If it's a peak day the production will go great and she will be excited and perform in the way I know she can. If it's a valley day, it could be very awful for her. Will I stop her from trying out? Absolutely not! If it's a valley day, we will pick up the pieces when it's all over and work hard to help her recover. If it's a peak day we will celebrate her success and enjoy the moment!
It's rare that both kids are having peak days at the same time. This week has been really nice. Hunter also has had a very good week and has caught up on the lessons he was behind in. We may even be done with all his work for the week by Thursday and can take Friday off! This is what works for him in virtual school. He doesn't have to slow down on the days he's excited and ready and wait for the rest of the class and he can take a day off when the work is done early. The fun thing is we may go to the museum or somewhere he likes to go and we can still count it as a "school" day. Can't beat that!
Today I'm not thinking of the things I'm tired of. Today is a peak day and I will cherish the time and enjoy some fun days with the kids. It's hard sometimes to enjoy the time, knowing that at any moment we can hit the next valley. But we have to. If we don't enjoy each moment of joy, I don't know how we would make it through.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
So Tired...
Today, I am so tired!
So tired of calls or emails from the school letting me know that my child has refused to do their work - again.
So tired of being hit, kicked, bit, scratched and having things thrown at me.
So tired of trying to remain calm and detached when all I want to do is engage.
So tired of trying to figure out what I have done wrong and am I being punished for it.
So tired of trying to figure out where I have gone wrong and why I can't fix it.
So tired of people telling me "God will never give you more than you can handle"
So tired of working so hard and seeming to make no progress.
So tired of wondering will my kids survive through their teen years.
So tired of trying to be the best mom I can be and still feeling like I'm failing miserably.
So tired of not being able to sleep because there is too much to do.
So tired of having migraines, back pain, foot pain and not having time to do anything about it.
So tired of feeling isolated from the world because most people don't understand or don't want to try.
So tired of trying new diets, meds, cleansers and anything else that "may" help.
So tired of wondering if we have made the right decisions, because nothing ever seems "right".
This list could go on for miles. I try not to think about these things most of the time. The problem is they are always there, they are exhausting and they are unrelenting in our lives. We can only keep trying and praying that we can pull through each day and maybe make a little progress. Most days the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't look too far away. Days like today there doesn't seem to be a light at all!
Anyone who thinks life with twice exceptional kids is not that bad, has never lived with a twice exceptional kid. The part that is so hard is most of the people who see our family only see the good side. They don't see behind the walls or even the day-to-day life that becomes so difficult at times. It's not everyday that we have a problem, but sometimes they seem to come in a rapid-fire fashion like a machine gun and you can't duck, hide or escape them. If it wasn't for the support of a few really good people who really "get" what we are going through I think we would fall apart completely.
Our lives feel an awful lot like the weather - calm, sunny and serene one moment and then a blizzard, hail storm or tornado the next. The best we can do is take cover and try to hold on for it to pass. Then we pick up the pieces and do it all over again the next day.
So tired of calls or emails from the school letting me know that my child has refused to do their work - again.
So tired of being hit, kicked, bit, scratched and having things thrown at me.
So tired of trying to remain calm and detached when all I want to do is engage.
So tired of trying to figure out what I have done wrong and am I being punished for it.
So tired of trying to figure out where I have gone wrong and why I can't fix it.
So tired of people telling me "God will never give you more than you can handle"
So tired of working so hard and seeming to make no progress.
So tired of wondering will my kids survive through their teen years.
So tired of trying to be the best mom I can be and still feeling like I'm failing miserably.
So tired of not being able to sleep because there is too much to do.
So tired of having migraines, back pain, foot pain and not having time to do anything about it.
So tired of feeling isolated from the world because most people don't understand or don't want to try.
So tired of trying new diets, meds, cleansers and anything else that "may" help.
So tired of wondering if we have made the right decisions, because nothing ever seems "right".
This list could go on for miles. I try not to think about these things most of the time. The problem is they are always there, they are exhausting and they are unrelenting in our lives. We can only keep trying and praying that we can pull through each day and maybe make a little progress. Most days the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't look too far away. Days like today there doesn't seem to be a light at all!
Anyone who thinks life with twice exceptional kids is not that bad, has never lived with a twice exceptional kid. The part that is so hard is most of the people who see our family only see the good side. They don't see behind the walls or even the day-to-day life that becomes so difficult at times. It's not everyday that we have a problem, but sometimes they seem to come in a rapid-fire fashion like a machine gun and you can't duck, hide or escape them. If it wasn't for the support of a few really good people who really "get" what we are going through I think we would fall apart completely.
Our lives feel an awful lot like the weather - calm, sunny and serene one moment and then a blizzard, hail storm or tornado the next. The best we can do is take cover and try to hold on for it to pass. Then we pick up the pieces and do it all over again the next day.
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