More than You Can Handle!

The next time a person tells me "God will never give you more than you can handle" I think I may just slap them.  In all actuality it says God will never tempt you beyond what you can bear.  I only say this because it's days like today that I truly feel God has given me more than I can handle.

Today is my 13th wedding anniversary.  Thirteen years ago at this time we were celebrating with all of our family and friends.  We dedicated our lives together in good times and bad, for better or worse till death do us part.  I never would have thought that 13 years to the day we would be at one of the lowest points so far.  Interestingly enough Pat and I seem to be doing okay considering everything we have been through, we are still together and we don't see ourselves spliting anytime soon.  But we are definitely going through more challenges than most can imagine.  Most couples in our shoes probably would have thrown in the towel years ago.

Tonight I am in tears as I think of all the areas of my life that have literally fallen apart before my eyes and I don't seem to see any end to the torment.  I feel lost in the middle of the raging seas
with no life jacket or boat and the sharks are closing in.  There are times the ocean will calm for moments and it seems peaceful and I start swimming for the shore but then the waves come crashing down with no warning or reason.

Pat and I went to a wonderful dinner tonight and although we did not talk much we did enjoy each others company.  I was very distracted during dinner, because I was upset that I had not received a call from my mom at all wishing us a happy anniversary.  Things have been strained between my mom and I and this just made it worse for me.  Then on the way home we called to check on the kids and they were doing great.  By the time we got there to get them, Hunter was having a meltdown.  It took quite sometime to get him calmed down and it really pushed me past my breaking point.

I have spent time outside thinking, crying and praying to God.  Thankfully God has provided us with each other.  Pat and I have our difficulties but through and through we have been strong together and we know the kids need us to be together for them.