It's a Blessing and a Curse (but really just a blessing)

I figured it has been a bit since I posted.  The last few days Hunter was in treatment I was very sick.  I couldn't even get off the couch for two days and the following week was limited.  This wasn't the greatest way to end his treatment and reenter back to normal life, but we had to make do.

The last two weeks have been tough being fairly sick during most of it.  But we have started making good progress on Hunter's schedules.  We are using picture schedules, I really didn't think with his age and intelligence that he would still need these.  When he was 2-3 we used these and they helped him some but as he got older we eliminated the pictures.  I found out that when he is frustrated or even sometimes not the pictures help him to focus and see what is coming easier.  I have been creating little one-inch cards with pictures of everything from waking up, brushing teeth, Wii, dinner etc.  It is very complicated as I seem to miss things, like tonight we realized we don't have a "go to bed".  Wow, that's an important one to miss.

I've talked with Shana and she thinks that she would also like to use this system.  Although she is a little nervous about what other kids her age will think if they see it.  We are planning to put it in a notebook so she can peek at it when she needs it.  I feel this will help in middle school and ease the anxiety of remembering where she is suppose to be next.  I will have to call the middle school to see if I can get pictures of things like her classrooms, teachers, locker, etc to make cards that are very accurate to her surroundings.

Middle school should be a fresh start for Shana and I hope it is a good start for her.  She will be leaving the friends she had at her elementary school as they will all be going to a different school.  But she will have some Girl Scout friends that she has known since kindergarten and gets along with pretty well.  I hope that it will be positive for her and that she is able to put the past behind her, it's a lot to get past.  We talked tonight about not dwelling on things because then it gives the people that have teased or bullied her power, even now when they are no longer around.  I hope these things help her in the coming year.  We will continue talking and trying to find ways to make middle school a success for her.

I had a couple really bad days the last couple weeks where I yelled pretty good and lectured way too much with the kids.  I feel like I am patient and calm for awhile and then it builds, I don't think being sick helped this at all.  I am working at relieving this but it is a little harder with Pat in NM.  I don't get a chance to just relax on my own or go do something for me.  I am in the process of finding respite care so that I am able to have a little time to relax, go see a movie or something else I enjoy.

I am looking forward to beginning summer finally.  We only have about 5 weeks left before both kids head back to school.  I only have about 3 weeks that I can do fun things before we have to start preparing for the new school year.  I will be virtual schooling Hunter again and I have a ton of new ideas for helping ease some of the struggles we had last year, although I am not looking forward at all to writing.  That is the one area Hunter really struggles, although when he writes the work is amazing.

I feel blessed that God felt that I deserved these children.  I often watch Monk and if you haven't seen it he is a highly obsessive compulsive man, but because of that is incredibly detailed and is able to see things others don't and solve crimes.  There's a line he says that it's "a blessing and a curse".  I've often thought this with what the kids have to deal with.  It's easy to see the curse part of it and even this week Shana told me she didn't want to have these disabilities and she just wanted to be "normal".  I can't tell you how heartbreaking it was (I have often prayed that if it's God's will He would heal them both).  I told her that God doesn't make mistakes and she is the perfect little girl that God made her to be.  I also said that God must think she is pretty special and strong to make her so unique and that when she trusts in God and understands this isn't a curse but a blessing in disguise she will be able to do anything she sets her mind to.

There are times I sadly only see the curse side myself and that I don't understand, but then I turn back to God and pray for His understanding and I am able to thank Him for those difficult days because without them I would never truly see the blessings we have been given in these children.  Each of them is so uniquely blessed and I see many things daily that show me exactly how special they really are!