Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Constantly Changing!

All parents have experienced the ups and some downs of raising kids.  We have all had days where everything seems to be falling apart and days where everything goes just fine.  Most parents the down days are few and most days are filled with enjoyable times with their kids.

We do have a ton of fun with our kids.  We love watching them explore and learn new things.  We love to go do fun things: museums, parks, zoos etc.  It's hard though because we never know on any given day whether we are going to have a up or down day.  It's rare that both kids have up days on the same day.  I know it sounds cynical to say that and I'm justing setting myself up for disaster but I've been dealing with this for 10 years and truly we cannot let down our guard and think things are just fine, because at any moment that can change.

There's a joke in Colorado, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes and it will change.  Having twice exceptional kids is much like this.  Although sometimes the weather is nice and it changes for the worse.  We can be outside playing with the kids and having an enjoyable time and then for little or no reason one of them will have a major meltdown over grass getting on their socks.

It's impossible to predict what will trigger a meltdown.  What caused one today may have no affect on the child tomorrow.  We have to be prepared to handle anywhere and anytime.

The last couple weeks have been much better then the night of our anniversary.  The kids have fought and argued but more like typical children, nothing major.  It's hard to just enjoy the moment and not think about when the next weather change but we always have to think about when the next meltdown will occur.  For now, I will do my best to enjoy the calm and hope the storm stays away for a little while.   We will be ready when it comes.

Monday, July 5, 2010

More than You Can Handle!

The next time a person tells me "God will never give you more than you can handle" I think I may just slap them.  In all actuality it says God will never tempt you beyond what you can bear.  I only say this because it's days like today that I truly feel God has given me more than I can handle.

Today is my 13th wedding anniversary.  Thirteen years ago at this time we were celebrating with all of our family and friends.  We dedicated our lives together in good times and bad, for better or worse till death do us part.  I never would have thought that 13 years to the day we would be at one of the lowest points so far.  Interestingly enough Pat and I seem to be doing okay considering everything we have been through, we are still together and we don't see ourselves spliting anytime soon.  But we are definitely going through more challenges than most can imagine.  Most couples in our shoes probably would have thrown in the towel years ago.

Tonight I am in tears as I think of all the areas of my life that have literally fallen apart before my eyes and I don't seem to see any end to the torment.  I feel lost in the middle of the raging seas
with no life jacket or boat and the sharks are closing in.  There are times the ocean will calm for moments and it seems peaceful and I start swimming for the shore but then the waves come crashing down with no warning or reason.

Pat and I went to a wonderful dinner tonight and although we did not talk much we did enjoy each others company.  I was very distracted during dinner, because I was upset that I had not received a call from my mom at all wishing us a happy anniversary.  Things have been strained between my mom and I and this just made it worse for me.  Then on the way home we called to check on the kids and they were doing great.  By the time we got there to get them, Hunter was having a meltdown.  It took quite sometime to get him calmed down and it really pushed me past my breaking point.

I have spent time outside thinking, crying and praying to God.  Thankfully God has provided us with each other.  Pat and I have our difficulties but through and through we have been strong together and we know the kids need us to be together for them.